Saturday, February 2, 2013

Phantom

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Image Source: Tim Burton and Winona Ryder on the set of “Edward Scissorhands”

I don't feel completely present in my state of mind, so an eclectic mash up of inspirational pictures with spooky undertones is perfect for this morning- don't you think? Even if you don't, I'll just suit myself anyway as I have been doing for the last year or so on this blog. Hence it's name, but it's different from other, similarly titled posts I've thrown together. The influences of other blogs I've followed have shifted and changed and hence affected what I can collect and stuff. Which is fine, I don't expect things to be in a constant and steady state but it feels like I'm still lingering about in dark recesses online: like a ghost. I've also come to realise when I put together these Tumblr originated posts that there is very little fashion influences which just seems so crazy since I try to make it such a large part of my life and an interesting part of my life at that. So that was a little shock to the system and I don't exactly know how to rectify it either. 

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I'm also thinking of changing the long-standing format of my blog and adding more personal touches like scanning in my hand-writing in all it's spelling error glory, but I'm at a lost if we have the capabilities I so desire at home. It will be enquired and time will be saved on the off chance I do write something down in a spare notebook and therefore I won't need to transfer between one format to the other. I think just reading more widely is opening my eyes to other possibilities and raising the question of what else I can be doing with this space on the Internet to capture attention and the mind's of interesting, like-minded people. It feels good to do something with my time at least other than composing outfits and leaning like a limp on a crutch. Fun fact: camera tripods were not meant to support the weight of sixty kilogram women and they fall over when you hold on to them. I found it interesting when I scraped my hands on the gravel outside. 

Image Source: Sailor Moon

Image Source: The Simpsons

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I'm in a dark and moody, thickly clumped eyeshadow mood and just want to wear something beaded and flowy with my movements like water, but instead I'm more than happy to hunker down in the storm of my mind wearing a sweater. My father is keen to later visit a swap-meet and I am hoping to see at least one second hand clothing seller about the place, and if you look like you need a bargain people are a little more open-minded to haggle. That's my game plan for today: and I need to buy some more hot glue gun stuff to finally get along a few halted craft projects like badges and DIY crowns. I'm going to enjoy combining fake flowers and candles finally for what could certainly be a fiery and unsafe crown, but as the old saying goes: you only YOLO once. Or maybe I did that wrong. Hmmm.

Image Source: Sailor Moon

Image Source: Beautiful ceramic hands by Kaye Blegvad.

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Even though there are some positives to being a ghost, such as running around and seeing the world in a different aspect or doing as you please without consequence, there comes a time where you get sick of no one noticing you. When you're in the world of the living but you don't feel apart of it, it's a natural progression to feel frustrated. I think the 2010 London riots exemplify this but on a mass scale of a generation's aggression. And I'm just a single person that feels lonely and isolated. These negative feelings of being used and abused but not given a chance; I felt like this a lot during high school, but it's getting oppressively bad at work at the moment. I've been in the same role for three years and the last two have been filled with empty promises shoved down my throat about being given the chance to a promotion. Well, I just want to shove those very same empty promises up the asses of upper management. Getting real tired of their insistent bullshit all the time. 

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Image Source: Goddess of Depression

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So right now I feel bad and rebellious- I want to do something nice for myself instead of just plodding along in life without making any changes or doing anything drastic. If I don't get my hair ombre next week then I'm contemplating getting my septum pierced which I'm sure everyone I know will hate but at the moment I don't care and am sick of feeling like I need to please everyone. Because I don't. I suppose I've just had some of the upset lines of Hannah from the HBO series 'Gilrs' rattling around in my skull. In particular it's "one can go their whole life wearing shorty shorts and not offending anyone" and "You ruined my article. You ruined my night. You ruined my relationship with Marnie. And, for that matter, my relationship with cocaine, which could have been my favorite drug." I'm in another self-destructive mood where I want to take something but I don't know how and I'm just angry in every direction. I have to be careful not to let it destroy an entire town though, but I feel like the young "witch" from 'Paranorman". Misunderstood and angry.

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Image Source: Sailor Moon

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Image Source: Dior Couture

I think the next week I'm going to avoid seeing people and just focus on myself and playing with eyeshadow and collaging. The appeal of an Etsy store is becoming greater with my new found outrage at my part time job and several unsuccessful job applications within the last fortnight. While everyone else is busy back at school and studying, free from checking the blogosphere for updates I think I'll stash up some thoughts and feelings to share- especially since there's heaps of wonderful fashion collections being released for Spring and Fall or me to cover. Reading more and more will help direct me to a new means of presenting my ideas instead of having everything so well organised and labelled- but these are all just fanciful notions. We'll all have to wait and see if I actually do any of this or if I am just as bad as those at work and full of empty promises myself. There is one thing I can guarantee though, I won't just be a faint ghost or apparition and I am certainly not a ghost writer. It's time to get serious.

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Image Source:
exosfera: sin título on Flickr. 
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