Monday, June 4, 2012

Soft

I had really hoped to be able to pull together a few outfit posts today and pose in front of the camera, but it seems my future income depends on me being able to pass my upcoming exams and there is far too much I need to revise and relearn all over again... using the Internet to pass your online tests and assessments comes at a price. In about two weeks more or less I'll be able to straighten my hair in the morning, apply foundation, eyeliner as well as false lashes and show off my style in my hallway as well as continue a stunning streak of remarks and comments on runway shows from the last two years. While I'd love to spend the day idling typing away and listening to Calvin Harris to get 56% on an online assessment for exam preparation isn't something to be proud of.

As well as a big cleanup of my hard drive on the cards (possible when I post all the images I've been hoarding), my room is in dire need of a makeover and it would be good to throw things back on to eBay to fund my next purchases. I'll probably be left with nothing remotely practical in my room excluding the furniture, and a series of weird, extravagant handbags, dresses and scented candles. At the moment I can only take outfit posts when everyone else is out of the house (no mean feat) as I put the camera tripod directly in the way of the front door and move a series of boxes out of the angle of the shot. I haven't had a clean, livable room since I first moved in and I think to really inspire myself it all starts with me and the space I live in. When I sort out my personal affairs I can maybe then reach some sort of pinnacle of creativity and blog to my maximum output.
 
It would be a welcome change to wear white, celebrate the coming together of two people and a romantic union, but the next I'll see in the way of flowers is a funeral right before exams. The two events are about as close as I ever get to experiencing true religion, but there is something wholesome about celebrating someone's life as it comes to an end; or the ties people chose to create intimately with one another. It's not exactly a cheering thought of having to wear black and watch everyone around me cry, but I know that at least one person there will need my shoulder to cry on. Photographs and funerals aren't two things that are readily associated with one another- and with good reason too.I don't think that crying today shows any sign of weakness, but I know once my boyfriend starts I won't be able to do anything but feel helpless and tear up right beside him.

There's really too much in my house that needs to be cleaned at the moment; starting from the floor up in my room and vacating the bathtub of all our stockpiled toiletries but I feel the strange need to be apart of something beautiful all of a sudden. I grew up loving to be a rebellious tomboy and refusing to wear dresses past the age of seven; but a change of my surroundings may even lead to a change of how I perceive the world around me and my attitudes. At the moment I'm focused on the hear and now of immediate exam results and passing all my university units but in the break that follows and being reunited with my freedom I do plan to sloth around a bit and then kick it in to high-gear. Maybe I'll want to soak in flower petals or bath bombs, listen to Lana Del Rey while soaking in the bathtub and also begin to paint my nails black. I want to shift my focus from academics as soon as possible; I want to become interesting and develop my personality like never before and grow as a person.

After four seemingly long exams I'll be free to dabble in darker matters, continue to voice my opinion over fashion matters and maybe even experiment in substances. I'm not much of a drinker and I need my daily caffeine fix as of late before I can process anything so perhaps I have enough of a reliance on coffee beans to handle nicotine or anything more illicit. I think the comforting thought it that I won't be limited in my activities, I'll be a free agent for a short month and I can do as I please without any repercussions on my academic scores. Being naturally competitive and fixated on being the best person I can is a good thing, but as far as the energy I expend it's becoming too big a detriment at the moment.

Every holiday holds a window of opportunity I which I feel I can do infinite amount of wild and wonderful things- like becoming a whole different person. Almost every time I let myself down by keeping to the same routine, hanging about the house and never doing anything remotely exciting. The list includes activities such as visiting the cities and visiting boutique stores, photographing their wares and keep completing shop reviews of their blog. Having piercings done that would drive my mother ballistic but still look in keep with my hipster aesthetic and not trashy; or dreaming up more tattoo designs and thinking of that seriously. It's given that I won't change my habits; but I like to have the options there. The closest I'll get to new piercings is buying swish new ear cuffs or gorgeous gold rings and online shop reviews are a little easier to work with from home.


I can't wait till I can flop on my bed after a hard day of finishing studying for the semester and cleaning my room. I'm going to organise all my clothes I don't wear into piles to be sold on eBay and ship all the crazy stuff from my room out to other people. Then I can solve the space issue in my room and my lack of money with the same solution. The only problem is that I really am very lazy and will most likely just close my eyes or blog and listen to music instead of cleaning my room and making it look pretty. I am however active enough to get fully dressed in the mornings and still wear pants when lounging around the house alone. I know I'm getting close to moving out of home anyway, so the motivation to make me room look acceptable now is fading fast when I can simply move out of it in a few years time. I've put up with sloth and mess for about twelve years, a few more are surely not going to kill me.

Being the big softy that I am on the inside, it's only a matter of time before I trawl around all the local shops near train stations in search for bridal veils and white dresses in order to deconstruct and made into long trailing skirts or even Frankenstein bodices and bustiers. I could only ever sew the most basic of garments together. With that in mind, maybe I will have better luck throwing together pieces someone else has meticulously threaded together and reassembling, redyeing and renewing them. I wouldn't mind running my fingers over a few good garners and veils either.

I barely wear sunglasses when necessary; on the brightest of Summer sunny days but this image has light up my imagination for the accessory and makes me long to sport gorgeous 60s clothes and rounded circular glasses. Reflective and shimmering black plastic reminds me of the tantalising stone hematite and contrasting bright perspex in a range of colours has been the toast of the season. I've also been eyeing the sunglasses Lady Gaga wears in her video clip for Paparazzi, made none other than quirky runway commander, Jeremy Scott. If I am daring enough and the money suddenly finds its way into my account, I just might buy them.

I don't really find my Science course particularly challenging or troubling to keep up with in terms of workload, but I do miss the soft and comforting whispers of reading poetry aloud in class or sitting in rooms with the largest desks and being allowed to work on visual pieces. I could never really get the hang of form and lines when drawing, was often frustrated by the human face and couldn't command colour well either; but it would be nice to lead a cliche life in a loft somewhere with paints strewn across the floor and many half-finished canvases. Waking up at noon would also be a welcome change instead of preparing myself at six in the morning in order to travel to exam venues...

British actress Carey Mulligan never fails to delight me with her soft accent and gorgeous appearance in movies such as 'Pride and Pejudice' and 'An Education'. While it would be fun to play a schoolgirl in the 1960s, I'm looking forward to the release 'The Great Gatsby' which will hopefully also motivate me to read the book ahead of seeing the film. I'm a bit concerned that Mulligan has fallen into the trap of portraying the young woman with angelic looks that is so often betrayed by the men in her life; but she is a grown woman who can come to make her own decisions. I don't think she would have chosen to dress particularly i this style as a personal choice, but with purple ballet flats as sweet as those hardly anyone should complain.

I'm not a well practiced creature of the night, but last night was a nice release from my dreary ever day life of having my head stuck in books and revising frivolous facts. I sat cuddled next to my boyfriend on a friend's couch watching movies and sharing his body warmth and when he dropped me home I just held him in the softly dying moonlight of my driveway. I also punched my boss in the face for starting a sentence with "girls can't...". I may me a poor feminist and rely on my partner emotionally and for mental stimulation but whenever someone says women can't do something, and in particular, when that activity is physical I tend to punch them. I have the feeling of serenity and that the moon goddess Phoebe watched over me last night and empowered me. By coincidence I was wearing five silver rings on my left hand. Silver and the moon is an empowering element to me as a young woman, and I wonder if that will continue in my whole life.

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